If You Want Children Follow These 10 Steps First

I hear so many parents say that being a parent is the most wonderful thing to happen to them and they wouldn't change a thing. Did I miss the memo?
I wanted to spend some quality time with the family, and work from home since I didn't have any appointments. Result you ask? I made a mistake that's the result! I have heard nothing but whining, crying, fighting, and NO,NO,NO,NO,NO. All I want at this point of the day is to lay in bed and watch whatever programming Slice TV has to offer tonight. It better be the housewives of somewhere because I prefer to not use any part of my brain to process information.

If I hear NO one more time I think that I am going to snap.  I am trying to complete a home evaluation, however I have decided to take a break and blog for therapy.
 Don't get me wrong I love my children to death but no one could have prepared me for the reality of parenting. Here is my top ten to do list if you are thinking "I am ready to be a parent".

1. Pour milk on your expensive shirt or dress in the morning and just leave it there. Don't worry after a while you forget that you smell like sour milk.
2. Purchase white carpet ( if you don't already have it) lay it down in the living room and then use it as a plate and it's okay if you spill your beverages. Make sure everything just sits for a day or two. This will give you every reason NOT to go with carpet or tear it out.
3. Stay up as late as you can before your eyes start to shut on you. At that point set your alarm to go off every after every ten minutes until it is time to wake up for work. Do this for 2 weeks or until you feel your body shut down.
4. Don`t eat real food for at least a few days. Only drink coffee and eat whatever candy you find at work. You just need enough to almost forget that you have had no sleep or food to begin with
5. Instead of buying things for yourself that you usually do, replace it with a trip to Wal-Mart and go straight to the baby section. You will need it soon enough so start now.
6. Buy a box of Cheerios and pour it everywhere including in your car. Walk all over making sure the cheerios are crushed into your socks, and then vacuum. Do this three times a day
7. Start arguing with your husband now. You need the practise because arguing is routine once the kids come. As long as you win the arguments you are on the right track
8. Get really drunk then do step 3. You will understand once you are a new mom
9. Leave Tree House on all day long. You will quickly memorise the programming and start singing along to The Wiggles, Toopy and Binoo etc...
10. If you do step 1-9 successfully take a really long hot shower. After baby it won't happen for a very long time!

If you still want to have children after doing all ten you just might be ready!!Now
I am ready to get back to work again. Have a good night everyone!